she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
