I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
