I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Come on in and take your pants off
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