super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
