I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
