he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
