Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
