So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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