I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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