I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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