so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I FOUND THE LEGS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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