I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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