i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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