How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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