Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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