Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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