Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
