I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
