you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
