I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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