Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize