The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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