I smell stomach acid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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