Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
