Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
