Buhtt sex?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
