I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize