I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
