if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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