I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
