i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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