sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
