still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
