You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
