Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
