I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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