You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
