When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
