Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
