she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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