Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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