All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
