I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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