I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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