I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
