Sry I called you an 8
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
