hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish you could order shots online.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
