my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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