We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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