just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
