At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
