Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
