Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
