now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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