i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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