About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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