I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
