Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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