Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
