I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
