You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
