everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
