Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
