Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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