I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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