My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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