I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
