all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
