I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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