Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
