he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
