This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
